A common mindset of marriage in our world is men and women are so different that marriage is to be survived instead of ever getting close to the place of thriving. Jokes abound about these "differences" that only serve to justify the false mindsets and create more division. This mindset of marital differences as a means of separation is of the world and shouldn't come near a believers heart and yet here we are. Most believers live and behave like the world when it comes to marriage. Like the proverbial frog in a pot of soon to be boiling water, believers have accepted the lie that men and women have different core needs. That is not true or God created.
We are created for connection and relationship. We all have healthy needs to give and receive love, for being nurtured, cared for, respected, being valued, and the ability to see our value. This is not selfish and it is not having expectations that are too high. This is God created, God ordained marriage. Just as God created us for connection with Him, so he created marriage for connection between a husband and wife. We are called to Oneness.
Unfortunately what many have come to understand as connection or love in marriage equals sex alone. Yes, sex is a part of marriage and we would add, should be important for both in the couple. However, it is not the starting point. When we skip the foundational elements of marriage we will always take on the worlds standards and mindsets for it. Mindsets of the world are very far from the truth of what God had in mind for marriage. The covenant of marriage is meant to be a very deep and lasting bond between one male and one female. It is the beautiful beginning of what should be an ever deepening connection between a couple.
Created oneness carries a deep emotional and spiritual connection with a foundation of honesty, safety, empathy, trust, vulnerability, full transparency and multiple levels of relational
intimacy that are not sexual. In further blog posts we'll go into what is involved in these attributes of healthy relationship. After this foundation is laid, it naturally leads to the full blessing and satisfaction of physical connection with one another. Sex that is mutually satisfying and enjoyed is never "needed", never pressured, never selfish, never rushed, never manipulated. Sex should always be enjoyed and satisfying by both in the couple and build further connection. That type of closeness builds a very strong healthy bond and marriage that shines brightly to the world. A couple with the fullness of joy in marital connection then influences the world instead of the world influencing the marriage.
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