If we call ourselves believers in Yeshua (Jesus) we are called to pursue oneness in marriage and come out of agreement with the worldly mindsets and actions that oppose it. God designed marriage as a light to the world. Walking through the highs and lows of life, and in peace together, a husband and wife build their family as they pass healthy relationship on to the next generation. Does this sound impossible?
Oneness in marriage is possible but there are foundational elements needed within the relationship to attain it. These elements must be mutual and walked out in integrity for each spouse. Each are of equal value and needed in order for a marriage to flourish and be what God created it to be. It's also worth noting, these are attributes that God demonstrates in relationship with us as well. Our example in the flesh being Yeshua, who is our foundation and example. This is not an exhaustive list, but is just the beginning of gaining what is needed for oneness within marriage.
Love - Authentic love is defined by God not man. It encompasses all the attributes of 1 Corinthians 13. Love defined by the Word of God could be better understood as respect or honor in our culture. Love is patient, kind, is not arrogant or rude, it doesn't envy, it desires the best for others, does not stir up or manipulate, it does not believe lies, is does not tolerate iniquity and lives in truth, it believes the best in others, hopes for good and endures. Biblical love involves protection and value of another.
(I Corinthians 13)
Honesty - We must be real about who we are and what is inside of us. Being honest, having integrity, valuing sincerity, and truthfulness are vital. This includes not withholding information. No secrets. Honesty is being aware of strengths and also faults and weakness in a healthy way, acknowledging where we need help, and being willing to seek it out.
(2 Corinthians 4:2)
Faithfulness - Marital faithfulness holds all emotional, spiritual, and physical purity within the marriage relationship. It includes and is not limited to financial, mental, emotional, spiritual, and sexual faithfulness. Faithfulness is devotion and respect for the marriage covenant and relationship. To better understand what faithfulness is, it's helps to know what it isn't since those lines tend to be very blurry in our culture and faith systems. One of the most common areas of marital unfaithfulness is mental in regards to sexuality. Since this a focus healing area of our ministry, I will use that as an example. Sexual unfaithfulness in the mind and often in behavior is chronic in our culture. We have a no tolerance policy for lust and the fruit of healing comes with that stance. Lust/sexual immorality begins in the mind with unhealthy, unrighteous mindsets towards the self and other people. A few examples of sexual unfaithfulness includes looking to enjoy a body, objectifying people, fantasizing, imaginations, entertaining sensual dreams, self-pleasure (sex with self/masterbation), using a spouse for sex with no emotional connection, porn use, on-line hook-ups, affairs, and any other form of sexual immorality that entertains or seeks out lust and/or sexual release.
(I Thessalonians 4:1-7)
Safety - Safety is rest from the enemy of our souls. Safety is recognizing the lies that seek to destroy the relationship. It is the absence of all abuse and is the presence of care, concern and consideration. It's the ability to regulate strong emotions and be responsible within our relationships. Within a safe relationship there are not emotional, verbal, spiritual or sexual abuses. No manipulation, no pressuring, no extreme acting-in/manipulations. There are no addictions or chronic unrelational mindsets present. Overall the relationship is peaceful for both spouses, each spouse desires the best for the other and has the ability to be unselfish and genuine within the relationship.
(Deuteronomy 12:10)
Trust - Trust is confidence in the integrity, ability, and good character of another, and is centered in the truth of God and not the world's ideals. Trust is the ability to believe what someone says is true and also be trustworthy. If a spouse is not trustworthy, a deep connection is impossible and separation of the heart is inevitable.
(Matthew 19:6)
Vulnerability - the ability to share emotions with one another on a deep connecting level. This includes being able to face and process hard things together. The ability to grieve losses together and celebrate the joys of life together.
(Genesis 2:25)
Intimacy - the ability to connect emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, proximally, recreationally, and sexually. Emotional and sexual intimacies are the culmination of all intimacies a couple has built together and continues to build together. They includes the total connection of each others mind, soul, and body completely focused only on the other.
(Genesis 2:24-25, Matthew 19:4-6)
*These are elements of a healthy marriage between two healthy individuals. If there are unhealed addiction, abuse, or trauma issues present within the marriage, these elements won't be able to be built due to the mindsets or strongholds that inhibit them. If there is betrayal in the marriage, that also must be healed in both spouses first, the betrayer and the betrayed. Betrayal is an unfaithfulness towards a spouse that begins with entertaining or seeking out lustful thoughts, mindsets, and/or actions. These break oneness.
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